watching a child who was laughing a few seconds ago go into a full-blown meltdown can be overwhelming, making one feel helpless. you can hardly stop a child from experiencing big emotions. however, you can help them learn how to handle frustration, disappointment, sadness, and even joy in a healthy way. that’s where resilience comes in.
resilience does not mean avoiding emotions or tough situations altogether; it is about navigating them. when children learn to manage their emotions, they build confidence, develop problem-solving skills, and form healthier relationships. So, how do we help them? here are some practical tips to guide children through their big feelings and foster emotional strength.
understanding big emotions
kids feel emotions the same way you do, but the big difference is that they are not yet equipped to handle them. when a toddler burst into tears because their toy is taken away, they’re not being dramatic or difficult. they’re simply feeling frustration in its rawest form without the tools to process it.
big emotions can show up in all sorts of ways, like:
tantrums: when they feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to express it
withdrawal: when anxiety or sadness makes them shut down
outbursts: when anger or disappointment bubbles over
fear or clinginess: when uncertainty makes them seek comfort and security
instead of reacting with frustration to what we assume to be misbehavior, we can meet them with patience, helping them put words to their feelings and guiding them toward healthier ways to cope. over time, with support and reassurance, they’ll learn that emotions, no matter how big, are something they can manage, not something that has to control them.
teaching emotional awareness
before kids can learn to manage their emotions, they first need to recognize and name them. building an emotional vocabulary is one of the best ways to help them understand what they’re feeling and why.
label emotions in real-time: when kids experience big feelings, put words to them. saying something like, “i see you’re feeling frustrated because your puzzle is scattered. that must be upsetting,” helps them connect emotions to experiences.
use books and stories: reading about characters going through different emotions makes it easier for kids to understand their own feelings and realize they’re not alone.
encourage expression through play and art: drawing, role-playing with dolls, or even making up stories gives kids a safe and creative way to explore and process their emotions.
when kids learn to identify their emotions, they feel more in control and are better equipped to handle them.
helping kids develop healthy coping skills
once kids start recognizing their emotions, the next step is teaching them how to handle those big feelings in a healthy way. here are some unique strategies to help them.
1. deep breathing techniques
breathing exercises are a great way to calm the nervous system and regain control when emotions feel overwhelming.
breathing in and out: inhale deeply like you’re smelling a flower, then exhale slowly like you’re blowing out a candle.
use bubbles: blowing bubbles encourages slow, deep breathing in a fun way.
try a breathing buddy: let the kids lie down with their favorite teddy on their stomachs and watch the bobbing movement. this makes deep breathing more visual and engaging.
2. the power of movement
physical activity always helps to release built-up emotions and tension.
jumping, running, or dancing can help shake off frustration.
stretching or simple yoga poses encourage relaxation and mindfulness.
a short outdoor walk works as a much-needed reset
3. using a calm-down space
instead of using timeouts as punishment, create a “calm corner” where kids can go to self-regulate.
fill it with cozy pillows, stuffed animals, and sensory toys to make it feel safe and inviting.
emphasize that it’s not for isolation but a place to take a break and process emotions.
encourage kids to use it whenever they feel overwhelmed and upset.
4. modeling healthy reactions
kids learn how to handle emotions from us.
if we yell when we’re frustrated, they’ll think that’s the natural response. instead, try saying: “i’m feeling really frustrated right now. i’m will take a couple of breaths and calm down.”
when we apologize for overreacting, we show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that emotions can be managed healthily.
building problem-solving skills
resilience means helping kids face challenges rather than avoid them. when they learn problem-solving, they gain confidence in handling difficult situations.
ask guiding questions: “what do you think we could do to fix this?”
brainstorm solutions together: encourage them to suggest solutions, no matter how imperfect it might be.
let them make choices: giving kids age-appropriate decision-making power helps them feel capable.
encouraging a growth mindset
resilience is an outflow of acknowledging that failure isn’t the end, it’s a process that leads to growth.
praise process, not just results: “i saw how passionately you worked on that tower!”
teach the power of “yet”: “you can’t tie your shoes yet, but you’re getting closer!”
normalize mistakes: share stories about times you’ve messed up and what you learned from them.
strengthening social bonds
kids who are resilient don’t deal with emotions alone; they learn to rely on others.
support friendships that encourage kindness and teamwork.
help kids develop empathy by asking, “how do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
show healthy ways to handle conflict, like apologizing and forgiving.
creating stability through routine
simple routines helps lower stress and make emotions easier to manage.
set steady morning and bedtime habits to create a peaceful flow.
use picture schedules for little ones so they can see what’s next.
give gentle transition reminders: “in five minutes, we’ll start cleaning up.”
conclusion: resilience takes time
handling big emotions requires effort, and some adults still struggle with it. so, be patient. even though you are teaching them steps to handle the emotions, don’t expect it to work in a day. remember that every deep breath, every calm-down moment, and every empathetic conversation builds their emotional strength.
as parents, caregivers, and educators, we can’t shield kids from every frustration, but we can guide them through it. by beinga good example and teaching them these tips, and encouraging problem-solving, we’re helping them build lifetime resilience.
